Diani Beach Massage Monster

Anyone wondering if I’m still alive…I am.  Anyway not wondering if I’m still alive…I am.  On the East coast of Kenya at one if not the most beautiful beach I have ever seen.  In keeping with tradition, I have gone out in search of the cheapest beach massage on earth.  While I did not find it here, I have again ventured into the twilight zone of massage therapy.   This experience was dutifully provided by Mercy.  Kenya seems to have an excessive amount of Mercy’s.  Hum.  I wonder how much Mercy is too much?  Anyway, Mercy was of stout local stock.  Large hands and big feet.  I noticed this while I was gasping for air in the completely enclosed sweat box they call a massage room.  I felt like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape Scene, if anyone is still alive to remember that one….  Mercy’s signature move was an underhanded sort of slap that she didn’t hesitate to use on any, “non core” appendage, if you know what I mean.  Now this was not all unappreciated because Mercy’s rather large hands, were capable of making lava rock smooth.  Number 3 grit Home Depot sandpaper hand nothing on her.   After being exfoliated to the bone, I have decided the “man hater” slap was appreciated in every way.   It was a bit hard to relax given the circumstances, made somewhat worse by Mercy attempting to book the next massage with me no less than 11 times in one hour.    In the end I told Mercy that I would think about it, knowing as somewhat of a medical guy, that my skin would need some time to regenerate a superficial layer.    And so it goes….Diani Beach, East coast of Kenya at Kenyaways.   Come on down.  

The Elephant in the Room

Let's just talk for a minute about the elephant in the room.   Double elephant charge in Meru National Park, Kenya.  

A Mzungu Lunch

There is something magical about lunch with a beautiful woman. The other day I was fortunate enough to have two beautiful ladies join me for lunch. Yep. Lunch with the Mzungu.

Ready Made

Being an admirer of good craftsmanship, I can assure you those skills are not limited to the violin maker, or the Cartier jewelry guy with the magno eye piece.  Hell sometimes its more about the Mexican mechanic who takes your alternator apart and repairs it will an old coke can pull tab. Take that to least the same level with this street shop craftsman.  The sign says it all.  

Animal Husbandry and Fine Wine

Two photos are presented to you.  Let me explain. One a statement requiring no response and the other a question. The second is a request for the collective brain power of the masses.  Firstly, I have come in my stay in East Africa to realize that a poor glass of California Chardonnay, found in Nairobi, can take top billing on the “most important” thing in your life.  I’m just sayin….

Next, having spent an outlandish sum of Shillings on a prepackaged 500 grams hunk of “MEAT CUBES”.  (emphasis needed), I was expecting the best.  So, after a delicate saute, I was somewhat surprised that I could not penetrate this substance even with the teeth Dr. Heggen had so kindly saved for me years ago.  So, I am thinking of my possible role in the wildlife conservation effort here and it occurred to me?  Those of my friends who are culinary wizards and those animal husbandry aficionados, who will for good reason remain anonymous, why could  you not do this.  Allow the “beef” industry to take over the wildlife breeding and feeding programs.  The skin and meat would be impenetrable to projectiles of all types  Hoof and claw as well.  This would force the poacher to resort to those thin plastic bags that you get from the dry cleaners that say, “keep out of reach of children”.  Surely hanging on the back of a rhino trying to suffocate the beast with that bag would prove labor intensive enough to be a deterrent.    Your kind and thought responses are welcome.  Yours from the East African fringe.   

Move over Sergi Butka and Michael Johnson

Doing a school clinic today I was taking a break and noticed it was field day.  A little rural African pole vaulting seemed in order.  A straight heavy pole and a hard price for going high didn’t stop them from sticking the pit.  Well, no pit but you get what a mean.  The plus 400 meters was also a major burner.  The tall kid was simply world class.  The fastest 14 year old I’ve ever seen.  I hope he makes it pay off.  Just another day in Amazingland.  

Life at the Laundromat

Modern washing machines have so many settings.  Delicate, extra rinse, heavy duty, light color blah blah blah.  Dryers aren't any better.  So, being at the laundry in East Africa is much more simple.  Colors and whites all go in the same load.   Extra rinse....not likely......spin cycle...like hell.  Getting them dry is also simple....no high heat here.  Just the basic low heat with line stiffener.   When I return, I would like to just wash a load or two in someones washer and pull up a chair and appreciate the event.   Please.....