Confessions of a closet Fry Cook

As I surf the crest of my mid-life Tsunami I can’t help but wonder what else is lurking around the corner.  One year older and and new year on the only a couple of sunrises away.  What imagined dreams are whispering to me from the distant plains......YEP, that’s it.... FRY COOK.  My dear departed Mother already has the words, “mercy Larrrrry”, out of her mouth before I could hit the all caps.  Fry Cook?  The truth is I have always been completely fascinated by the men in white slinging and slapping and throwing food out on the grill or flipping skillets full of eggs  or omelets around all over the place.  “chef needa sunny and cher in the sack with a blanket”, has always made me tingle.  That is eggs over easy with a greasy piece of bacon on toast with some gravey!  Really just ask the fry guy at Jimmy’s tuck and truck in West Virginia.   There is something about keeping all that going and listening to the sizzle that makes me wonder if Waffle House is hiring.  Not just any waffle house but the one on the highway just outside of Covington Louisiana about 3 am.  I mean you get to see some true characters when you get that shift.  Or how about doing the morning shift at Camelias in the Quarter in New Orleans during Mardi Gras.  Oh what a ride. How do they do it?   The last few days I have gotten up early and done my own version of “chef” in my miniature kitchen in Terlingua.  “A double cluck pie, skinny with a row and flat pig”.  I have to say I think I’m getting it down.  A prize to the winner of the translation of that one.  Credit to Chef Mike, in Waffle House #453, Trinidad, Colorado.    So, it’s a new year and I even own a food trailer so maybe...just maybe....

The Perils of House sitting, Terlingua Style

Sure you have heard the stories....huge wine cellars at your finger tips, the pool and spa filled with beautiful girls and big music, maybe a exotic car tucked away in the garage with the keys on the rack.  I know, that sounds like heaven, right?  Well, believe me, it's harder than it looks.  Sure there are a few perks to the job almost anywhere you go....Terlingua is no different.  But what most don't see is the danger and constant fear of the situation.  House sitting in Terlingua only magnifies those fears.  I am managing to cope with my fear as best I can.  I'm high above the Terlingua ghost town isolated on a hill.  Yes, I know it has the most perfect view on the planet, and of course there is complete silence but that may seem great until you have to try to sleep with the 360 degree panorama of stars to put up with.   So far I have managed but it hasn't been a cake walk.  It's Christmas eve and I know things could go wrong.  What if I over cook the steak?  It's miles to a store and most likely it will be closed.  Or maybe I get a little wild listening to Bing Crosby tonight and I knock over my wine.    No drive through window for boozing Santa's here.  Just lonely stretches of desert to quench that thirst.  Who knows, it may even snow you in like yesterday.  No I tell you, house sitting in Terlingua takes a different breed.  It's not for the faint of heart.   So, wish me luck and I will try to direct the sleigh to your houses and loved ones tonight.  Because in Terlingua you can see him go over for sure.  Merry Christmas to all and safe passage.  

viva terlingua

On the Porch in Terlingua

Well I have to say that one of the things I enjoy most about the last frontier is the porch at the trading post in Terlingua on a Sunday afternoon.  You never know what is going to happen.  It could be some music or lot's of music, it could be a few more than friendly dogs, or maybe some tourists just wandering around and looking like tourists.  Today it was some music and the giant hooper.  Biggest one I have ever seen.  Alicia handed it like a pro.  The only bummer to the most perfect weather was I was on duty.  No suds for this cowboy today.  Now, tomorrow?  Hum.

Viva Terlingua

Ranger Rick and Plastic Babies

I have always enjoyed teaching.  Yes, it’s true.  My teaching resume includes, well some tennis, emergency medical stuff, substituting, scuba diving, English, YES, English., swimming, and a kindergarten science fair.  Those of you who have pending law suits against me in any of those disciplines as a result of malpractice, please stop reading.   I have come to the certain conclusion that the old saying is right as it applies to me,.....jack of all trades and master of none...or is it... those who can do, do and those who can’t...well you know that one....   Well, I can speak passable English with some help.   

As always, I am just a step ahead of the malpractice judgement and it was no different this last week when I spent three days teaching National Park Rangers the finer points of airway management, rapid trauma assessment, and of course child birth.  Nothing seems to twist up a single late twenties something guy more than delivering a baby or even the practice that is required to “keep current”. Maybe it’s worse if they carry a gun.  It was no different in my class either.  The females seem to have the concept completely wired even those who have not taken that ride yet.  Men only have kidney stones to compare.  Guys look just like you would think they look, clumsy and awkward and totally out of place.  Still, there is some glow to them when they finally execute the plan and hold up the lifeless, pale, non breathing form made of silicone and rubber and declare, “it’s a boy! or girl, maybe”?  

They all were really good so if you decide to come out to Big Bend and have a car wreck or maybe give birth, go ahead but tell them you know me so they will pay a little more attention.  

Viva Terlingua

Momma Had No Idea

Another Birthday gone by.  I have to say I’m used to it....there have been enough of them.  And truly I have had some strange ones.  This may be right up there.  First thanks to all those folks out there in Cyberland for the Happy Birthday wishes.  And yes, I can’t believe I am still here either.  Who would have known.  

Yesterday started out with the awesome sunset and ended with some funky trauma and a helicopter evacuation.  I mean where are the candles and cake in this picture. LOL.  Just goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen in the “Last Frontier”.  The funny thing about this patient was he was messed up but that didn’t stop him from taking photos of us WHILE we were working on him.  He has a blog and if you know about survival people you may find it.  Geez, I hope my hair looked ok.   

So this is my first day of the new “next year on earth”.  Hum?  Should I change anything?  Or should I just write down that I am going too and let it go at that?  There are only a couple of things I would like to change and you will have to guess about those....  So, I suppose it’s on with the show.  I will begin the new “life” year with my favorite quote.

“No matter what your resources, the world is yours to the exact degree that

you summon up the fortitude and the faith to leave orthodoxy and convention

behind and invent your own life.”

Thanks again my friends for the kind words and memories....... 

Trail Gnomes and Associated Phenomena

I have come to realize over the last few weeks that the desert has many oddities and secrets.  None more perplexing than the newly found trail gnomes of the Big Bend Region.  While their legend is only recently being circulated I feel like it’s time to make peace with this bizarre desert netherworlder.   Is it an apparition gone bad?  Perhaps it’s a guardian sent to watch over the hikers....Maybe it’s the manifestation of your alter ego....or simply a piece of mud and clay.  Mysterious? Yes, Threatening? somewhat.  Charming? Absolutely.  So give me your own take on the trail gnomes and I will continue the search for others and their origin.    On other associated Phenomena I would like to name a couple that continue to defy my ability to explain.

1. What happens to socks?  I mean really.  How is it possible to go to the washer with two of same socks and leave the dryer with three completely different ones?   And usually one of those was the most expensive pair of socks you ever bought.  What makes this entire strange exercise even worse is you know you are going to keep the single socks with the hope that one day the other will show up where the first one did.  The laundry gods are cruel and evil I think. 

1. How is it possible to write a password down and put it in plain view on your computer screen and not have it work?  Then you go through the crazy mess of resetting it which requires you to remember the birthdate of your first pet, or the name of the first girlfriend? Really?  Gina? or was it Kelley?  What do they mean when they say girlfriend anyway?  Then you get that done and you decide to use the same password because it’s obviously not correct so you use it and it tells you you can’t use the last password you had.  WAIT, that is the one they said was Not your password?  How can that be?...

1. The mystery of packaging.  You finally pony up and get the deluxe drone so you can hover over the neighbors yard at night and see what those strange noises really are.  It’s expensive and comes with the dreaded, “some assembly required” sticker on the box.  As a guy, I am usually excited to get a package so I don’t pay much attention to how things come out of it.  I mean I have some schooling ...granted no organizational management sciences courses on the books but still.....I would have thought that I could at least put something back in a simple box.    So you assemble this beast hoping to get out there and do some voyuering ( new word), and the gyronnanowackerometer is broken.  No worries right, Just return it in the current packaging.  There is no question in my mind that this freakin cardboard is not the same package this thing came in.  It is impossible to get it back in the way it came and absolutely no way it’s going to fit back in the outside box even if it were still in tact.  I need answers folks...

It’s a strange world out there so tread lightly and watch for those trail gnomes.  

Viva Terlingua

Never Settle

What is it about a good glass of wine and some fancy cheese that makes you feel like an aristocrat?   Any of you aristocrats feel free to comment.     A small table, a red table cloth and yes I know the checkered variety is preferred but its that storage issue...., and a comfortable chair or at least a chair.   It’s always been fascinating how often the “road less traveled”, as yielded that little pot of gold.   This amazing spot was courtesy of my buddy in Terlingua who spent 27 years as a river ranger.  A box canyon with a huge shelter cave lined with rock art.  I will have to take his word on the art as the aristocrat in me chose to indulge in the wine instead of the cultural history.  I feel the shame rising in my bones.  But it was perfect vino so...   Salud to my Native American ancestors.  

It’s tempting to launch into a diatribe about choices, or never letting the “other things” get in the way... but I’m going to spare you the free advice..which is of course worth the price you pay, and just say.....  If it’s shade and you want sun?  Move on.....If it’s rocky and you aren’t building a fence,  then try a few feet farther....  If the view isn’t the best....drive a little more....if your wine is warm and it’s not the way you like it....open the other damn bottle.