Diani Beach Massage Monster

Anyone wondering if I’m still alive…I am.  Anyway not wondering if I’m still alive…I am.  On the East coast of Kenya at one if not the most beautiful beach I have ever seen.  In keeping with tradition, I have gone out in search of the cheapest beach massage on earth.  While I did not find it here, I have again ventured into the twilight zone of massage therapy.   This experience was dutifully provided by Mercy.  Kenya seems to have an excessive amount of Mercy’s.  Hum.  I wonder how much Mercy is too much?  Anyway, Mercy was of stout local stock.  Large hands and big feet.  I noticed this while I was gasping for air in the completely enclosed sweat box they call a massage room.  I felt like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape Scene, if anyone is still alive to remember that one….  Mercy’s signature move was an underhanded sort of slap that she didn’t hesitate to use on any, “non core” appendage, if you know what I mean.  Now this was not all unappreciated because Mercy’s rather large hands, were capable of making lava rock smooth.  Number 3 grit Home Depot sandpaper hand nothing on her.   After being exfoliated to the bone, I have decided the “man hater” slap was appreciated in every way.   It was a bit hard to relax given the circumstances, made somewhat worse by Mercy attempting to book the next massage with me no less than 11 times in one hour.    In the end I told Mercy that I would think about it, knowing as somewhat of a medical guy, that my skin would need some time to regenerate a superficial layer.    And so it goes….Diani Beach, East coast of Kenya at Kenyaways.   Come on down.  

The Elephant in the Room

Let's just talk for a minute about the elephant in the room.   Double elephant charge in Meru National Park, Kenya.  

A Mzungu Lunch

There is something magical about lunch with a beautiful woman. The other day I was fortunate enough to have two beautiful ladies join me for lunch. Yep. Lunch with the Mzungu.

Ready Made

Being an admirer of good craftsmanship, I can assure you those skills are not limited to the violin maker, or the Cartier jewelry guy with the magno eye piece.  Hell sometimes its more about the Mexican mechanic who takes your alternator apart and repairs it will an old coke can pull tab. Take that to least the same level with this street shop craftsman.  The sign says it all.  

Animal Husbandry and Fine Wine

Two photos are presented to you.  Let me explain. One a statement requiring no response and the other a question. The second is a request for the collective brain power of the masses.  Firstly, I have come in my stay in East Africa to realize that a poor glass of California Chardonnay, found in Nairobi, can take top billing on the “most important” thing in your life.  I’m just sayin….

Next, having spent an outlandish sum of Shillings on a prepackaged 500 grams hunk of “MEAT CUBES”.  (emphasis needed), I was expecting the best.  So, after a delicate saute, I was somewhat surprised that I could not penetrate this substance even with the teeth Dr. Heggen had so kindly saved for me years ago.  So, I am thinking of my possible role in the wildlife conservation effort here and it occurred to me?  Those of my friends who are culinary wizards and those animal husbandry aficionados, who will for good reason remain anonymous, why could  you not do this.  Allow the “beef” industry to take over the wildlife breeding and feeding programs.  The skin and meat would be impenetrable to projectiles of all types  Hoof and claw as well.  This would force the poacher to resort to those thin plastic bags that you get from the dry cleaners that say, “keep out of reach of children”.  Surely hanging on the back of a rhino trying to suffocate the beast with that bag would prove labor intensive enough to be a deterrent.    Your kind and thought responses are welcome.  Yours from the East African fringe.   

Move over Sergi Butka and Michael Johnson

Doing a school clinic today I was taking a break and noticed it was field day.  A little rural African pole vaulting seemed in order.  A straight heavy pole and a hard price for going high didn’t stop them from sticking the pit.  Well, no pit but you get what a mean.  The plus 400 meters was also a major burner.  The tall kid was simply world class.  The fastest 14 year old I’ve ever seen.  I hope he makes it pay off.  Just another day in Amazingland.  

Life at the Laundromat

Modern washing machines have so many settings.  Delicate, extra rinse, heavy duty, light color blah blah blah.  Dryers aren't any better.  So, being at the laundry in East Africa is much more simple.  Colors and whites all go in the same load.   Extra rinse....not likely......spin cycle...like hell.  Getting them dry is also simple....no high heat here.  Just the basic low heat with line stiffener.   When I return, I would like to just wash a load or two in someones washer and pull up a chair and appreciate the event.   Please.....

Two Days in Nairobi

Almost three weeks in my new home of Chogoria has been an eye opener on many levels.  I'm not sure what the World Health Organization says about the lack of Chardonnay on the health situation of area Muzingos. (white guys and girls) but I'm sure it is not a pretty report.  Wanting to maximize my impact on the continent I have decided to plan for the long haul and sustain myself as best I can.  That has meant a trip for R and R to Nairobi.   Yesterday I managed to make myself sick with a healthy dose of Chard, a pizza, a huge cheese burger, and yes...an entire package of Oreo cookies.  Now that I am over the slight over indulging I can progress to shopping.  I am packing most of the YA YA back with me.  If you are in Nairobi looking for Gouda Cheese then you might as well forget it.  It will be in my bag heading back to the bush tomorrow.  Some things are very nice here.  Like the scotch tasting booth at the grocery.  If you look at the photo, that was my taste....all scotch, and of course she topped me off as I took it with me.  If only America could catch up.  A decent South African chard and the phase of the day.... Back home tomorrow but I will be packing goodies..even flour tortillas.   Go figure.

Cottonwood Grocery Chogoria Style

Now I’m settled in.  I even got water AND power to the Crib last night.  The decor does remind one of a bombed out Chechnyan village but maybe the landscaper is at the coast, who knows.  My bedroom Mosquito net is just a hair too small for the bed….which means the little bastards have a fighting chance.   So, If anyone comes to visit you might want to bring a roll of duct tape and some anti-malarial breakfast bars.  All in all it’s going pretty well.  I have now been introduced to the “Cottonwood Grocery” of Chogoria.  For those that don’t know.  Cottonwood is the fine little boutique shop in Terlingua.  Rick, I will never complain about pricing again.  Chogoria has the now famous, “Wakalumia Market”.  Comprised of two floors it contains a veritable crap shoot of potential wares.  Dusty, oh yes.  Crowded, elbow to elbow.  A bit sketchy…like a Picasso drawing.   Still one can find a few things like pink ketchup, or 5 year old stevia,  or bag milk on the shelves.   Up stairs is the “hard goods” section with bits and pieces of all sorts of dead U.S. flea market goods.   So, as you can see….the gods have smiled on me.

A Short Stroll in Africa

Today was a visit to a micro finance project near a small village several kms outside Chogoria.  The two mile trek was completely vertical without any switch backs or flat area.  Please send donation to "Save the Knees Foundation", in lieu of funeral flowers for my knees.   It's impossible to believe what people can do when they have to.  The farm was amazing and the only way to get crops of livestock grass and bananas to market was the carry them back up the hill.  The last set of legs under that huge bundle were the legs of a 8 year old girl in flip flops.   They branched off shortly after this photo and took the much steeper short cut.  At 5700 feet my lungs and legs could hardly get out of the way to let them pass.  My alpine training for this consisted of climbing the stairs of the Starlight Theater to get a burger and a glass of wine.  I might have to up my game.  

A Short Time in Africa

Having seem poverty and equality indifference many times in my life I thought I was prepared for my coming here.  I was wrong.  Rural Kenya is unlike any place I have been before.  There is an energy and deep seated goodness here unlike Asia and Latin America.  Not sure how to explain it really but the energy here is amazing.  The rural schools are incredible.  I'm doing medical checks on these kids in the villages and they are magic.  This is a hand washing class in a more affluent rural school.  Just amazing.   

The Nosiest View in Town

Doing time at the hotel in Hurlingham district in Nairobi can be trying.  A couple of walks to the Yaya department store for phone issues and one remembers with fondness the tranquility and peacefulness of OM in Terlingua.  Such is life elsewhere.  I found a beautiful rooftop bar at the top of the hotel and was thinking I could reflect on the coming months.  WRONG.  What I found was the nosiest place on the African continent.  The Kenyans appear to be jack hammering their way the middle of the Pacific Ocean and also putting some serious jack hammer to the hotel pool a few feet away.  So much for that idea.  I found out some interesting information about my new home.  No refrigerated foods are available to buy in the town.  Yep, no cheese, no butter, no power ranger super popsicles.   Might make for some interesting cooking options on the old one burner.  Any cooking suggestions would be greatly appreciated.   If anyone feels benevolent they can always send a 100 pounds of Manchago or maybe a few sticks of non melting butter.  Geez, I wish I had learned to eat the green leafy stuff as a kid.   Another day in limbo before the long ride to the cheeseless wasteland. May the Gouda gods remember me.  

One Rainy Nairobi Night

Anyone who has traveled with me knows how much I enjoy taxis.  I mean they just seem to drive me crazy.  Cyberspace is not big enough to put all my trials and tribulations on paper for these nomadic pick pockets.  Sure I have had good ones.  Sure there are some very honest ones of all races, creeds, and colors.  Those respected souls rarely offer me a ride.  HOWEVER, on one very rainy night at the headwaters of a new adventure, I found one of those rare souls.   Samual and I enjoyed a long crazy drive in the rain in Nairobi at about 5:00 AM this morning.   No problems or detours or mix up about fares.  He patiently waited to get through the multiple gates and guards and detection devices to plant me at my hotel.  A toast to Samual and anyone else who is doing it right and honest.  Still awake from the Jet lag but do have a new Kenya phone.  Samsung with a price of 13 USD.  I have minutes so don't be afraid to say hello.   The new adventure begins tomorrow and heading out to the West for the hospital the next day.  Stay Tuned.