Taxco in the rear view

Well, it's been a wild and enjoyable ride.  I will be heading back to the land of lunacy very soon and I have to say that I'm ready for some Sushi, Chinese food (yes the irony is not lost), and a good juicy cheeseburger.   Those of course will happen in due time.  There is pretty much nothing in Mexico I do not like.  I love the places, the people, the food , the culture and most of all the life itself.  The one thing I do not like is the accepted amount of crime.  Yes the US has it too but I am happy it's not an accepted part of out culture.  This is a picture of "ladrones" or thieves stealing a ton of building material from the roof across the street from my balcony.  There is no telling how many people watched this and nothing happened.  It took these two guys an hour to carry this stuff to a waiting truck in plain view.  I yelled at them a couple of times but they didn't even look up or stop.  So, I hope we never get there with out complacency.   We certainly have out problems and they might be much greater but please let's not forget what our actions do to other people.

Good bye Taxco and my super Mask guy.  I came here 25 years ago in search of traditional dance masks from the highlands and I walked into his little junk shop  after 25 years and he remembered me.   I remembered him too.  After one encounter 25 years ago.  Amigos for life I'm sure.   Vive Mexico.....

Move over Gordon Ramsey

Occasionally you stumble on some little place to eat that you know is going to be special.  Some hawker stall or little food stand somewhere that has just the right mix of smells and looks.  The cook usually isn’t young and they all have that look, “I don’t care if you eat here, fool”.  You just know that they know it’s going to be your lose.  Maria Elena’s was just that place.  The smells where hard to pin down.  Something frying, something boiling, smells of peppers and stews.  Maria Elena was just a bit over 4 feet tall.  Barely able to look over her own counter.  She most certainly didn’t care if you eat at her stall or any one of the others that were yelling at me.   Some of her competitors had their youngest cutest women yelling at the gringo.  It didn’t matter you just knew Maria Elena’s was the place.  Move over Gordon Ramsey, there is a new sheriff in town.

Maria cooked me the best Milanesa I have had in my months in Mexico.  No question.  She brought me the plate and with my first bite I was so happy I forgot about my butt pain from the 6 x 6 inch tiny stool I was forced to sit on.  It came with spaghetti.  Now, I have been to Mexico many times but on this trip everyone seems to serve spaghetti with everything.  They serve it with fish, sushi, meat, tacos, just about everything.  It’s the new black beans of Mexico.   Maria quickly brought me some tortillas and I could feel her watch me over her counter as I let them sit on my table and continued destroying my food.  For some reason Maria was not pleased with my decision to ignore her tortillas.  She came back around the counter and pointed to the tortillas with a less than pleased look.  “Tortillas son aqui”, she told me.  To be honest this woman scared me.  I did as I was told.  I had tortillas and spaghetti and smiled all the way through.  She was finally satisfied that I had it down but continued to watch me from behind her counter.   I was finally able to break the cycle by focusing on how to get a straw out of a half liter coke bottle.  NO, it didn’t float up to the surface every time.  Any of you engineers out there will have to give me a hint.  Regular bottles no problem.  Half liter is a problem.    If you have just a little over two bucks to blow in Taxco.  I would go to Maria Elena’s in the old part of the Las Palmas market.  She is near the back or just follow your nose.

RIP Old Friend

Taxco was hopping last night.  I’m not sure what the festival was but it was great.  Lot’s of people chasing each other around the plaza with these big animal figures all on fire with fireworks.  A few got away from them into the crowd which made it interesting.  This big tower came alive with fireworks that were over in about 20 seconds.  A crazy amount of work for just a few seconds.  All of it could have been out of a festival a hundred years ago.  

In honor of the festival I decided to make a change.  Brief I’m sure but a change.  I said good bye to a friend that has been with me for about 40 years.  Most of you have never known me without him around.  He was some maintenance and could cause some trouble sometimes, but most of the time he was just there for me.   There was some apprehension to see him go I have to admit, and the feel of him not being there has not settled in yet.  RIP my old friend.  I’m sure we will be seeing each other again up the road.  

The Touts of Taxco and other Mindreaders

Hesitate once, look side to side, have a camera around your neck, or have a map in your hand and they will own you.  It looks harmless at first.  They walk up and point to something or they offer some small suggestion as you walk by.  The next thing you know, they are leading you by the nose.  Mind control?  Maybe.  More likely they have refined the art of contact and often these days they are in disguise.  Touts and hawkers are all over the world.  Come to this restaurant or do you want to know the history of that building.  Maybe it's,  "want some silver at the best price".   They have always been here but this trip they seem everywhere.  The guys in the picture without a tourist vest are touts. Sneaky touts for sure.  They look like grandfathers and are actually controlling the "tour guides" with the vests on.  In fact they intercept the "marks" as they run away from the guys with the vests and shirts and big credential neck tags.  I was sitting the other day watching them work and it is true art.  They read the minds of the tourists in the street and then pounce on them.  Just a word or two then they let them go only to catch them again off guard when they return.  The tourists are primed for the kill.  Sometimes they catch and release then move to the other side of the plaza and fry them when they walk across.  I wonder if anyone ever thinks ..."how did this guy get over here so fast"?

So I would advise, look down, walk fast, stop for nothing, no camera around the neck, bag your souvenirs, and eat early.  I wish you luck.

100 Square Feet of San Miguel

It has been years since I have been to San Miguel de Allende.  So much has changed and so much has stayed the same.  English is heard as often as Spanish and the price of real estate is ridiculous.  The last time I was there it was all coming but had not yet arrived.  What is still there is a charm and vibe that is undeniable.  The city has changed but some parts still retain a sense of how things used to be.  My favorite place is a small plaza tucked away at the end of Recreo and the Parque Juarez.  Blink and you will miss it.  It is about 100 by 100 square with a perfect palm tree gracing the center.  It was the place the washing was done many years ago.  There is still the aqueduct and the washing troughs around the plaza.  It's a meeting place for Mexican tour groups who come to hear the story and see the park.  It  is also my favorite place to site and enjoy the evenings watching the groups come through.

My favorite tour guide is Lonzo.  He pulls out a wolf mask and reenacts the legend of the people of San Miguel.  He also gets his patrons to laugh and sing and do all sorts of things the other guides could not possibility do.  The Musicians are Carlos and his wife, Gloria.  They are there every evening working for a few pesos and enjoying a few minutes of fame.  They also sell a ball or two of cheese there.  In fact I'm eating it now.  So, if you come to San Miguel please wander down the washing plaza and sit for awhile.  Carlos and Gloria may even play you a song.

Taxco .925 pure

I love Taxco.  I have sine the first time I came here more than 25 years ago.  My last trip here was about 9 years ago and little has changed.  The plaza has gotten a face lift of sorts.  Some new paint and a few signs but it's basically the same place it was.  Over run with silver shops on every street.  The are next to each other, on top of each other, back to back, and diagonal from each other.  All offer the best prices on the all important .925 pure silver.  The silver history is an amazing one.  Too long for a post but still amazing on how it all started with an American named Spratling from NOLA.  He was roommates with W. Faulkner in a little apartment on Pirates Alley if you know the French Quarter.  He came here in the late 20's and early 30's and created this industry.  A fair number of the designs you ladies wear in your Mexican silver are his and started here.  His one time lover Donald Cordaroy was a teacher at UT- Austin.  They both collected traditional dance masks from the old days.  That was the reason I came here the first time.  Yes, I'm a mask chaser.  Oh yes, there are a few Halloween stories in there too but that will have to wait.

Taxco seems to be completely up hill.  Is that possible?  Any engineers out there?  Yes, all uphill.  The streets are extremely narrow which accounts for the VW beetles humming around.  Beetles make up the majority of taxis in Taxco.  It would be good research to find out how many people you could cram into a beetle with the front passengers seat out.  They are all that way.  No large families please. I was pleased to see that the Berta Bar is still here on the plaza.  Spratling and his design pals used to hang out there in the 30's.  "The Berta", drink was fashioned then.  To me it's a foul tasting concoction of mess but you have to take one for the team if you get here.  Great food and people watching from the balcony restaurants that line the plaza.  If you get here quick,you will see me there tonight.  Taxco.....Almost completely pure.

Death by Healing Hands

Leaving Zihua today for the the last time was hard.  I had gotten used to a long deep massage every day on the beach.  Sure, sometimes it was a little noisy and chaotic but other times it was peaceful and serene.  I had already scoped out the true pros and knew just where to go.  Today however I decided to spread the love around and choose a different place.  My world will never be the same again. Never.

This place looked very good and I had recommendations even.  So, give it a try?  Sure, why not.  I have learned a few things in my massage frenzy on La Ropa beach which I will share with you soon. Back to the story.

She looked sturdy enough to give a deep pressure massage.  Even a little too sturdy.  She had on Sandals and some kind of jean shorts.  Yum.  That was not standard massage pro attire but the she did pitch me on the table and make the little face donut with ease.  Somewhere between the face donut and her hands touching my body, the fun stopped.  The first contact was a light hand on the back and then she went immediately to my legs.  Good I thought, as I had told her my legs needed more work than anything.  Two pushes, a slap and an elbow and I was over on my back.  The pushes and slaps were not even on each leg.  A random thumb here and there and that was it.   After she very awkwardly got me on my back.......very awkward is the key here, she returned to my foot.  Yes foot.   Only one...maybe she saw an alinement issue.  She preceded to jerk the crap out of my right big toe.  It had to stretch at least an inch.  I grunted then attempted to gouge her with my now inoperative big toe.  No luck.  Next she moved back to top and put a towel under my neck.  For some reason she careful wadded the towel up to make a 45 degree down slope.  How nice was this?  Constantly having your head roll over the left side was not my idea of finding inner peace.  After another random thumb on major bones, she decided my right arm needed lengthening.  She grabbed a small sandy towel and took hold of my wrist moving my arm in a circular position.  Good, Something that I recognized.  Then without warning or compassion she jerked my arm out of socket so hard my head came completely came off the table and my entire body was half off the table.  Sensing I needed another millimeter or two she did it twice more.  I couldn't even get back on the table before she yanked me off again.  Maybe she thought she got a little out of line because this was the only time she tried to do the same thing to both sides.  Sure it sounds funny now but you lay there with your head downslope and wait for what you know is coming on the other side.  Stressful I'm telling you.

It went from there to the head again.  This time she put a rag over my eyes.  As I lay there I could hear the sound of bottles being opened in the dark.  Suddenly, I was being poisoned by some oil she had but in her hands that was now clamped over my nose and mouth.  Burning and choking me into submission.  When that was over she took a clorox wipe and cleaned my face.  Clorox I'm telling you.  Then she placed some smelly tissues over my whole face and wet them with something horrible.  I was sure she was measuring my for a death mask.

Then it gets scary.  I felt her thumbs on my man nipples.  What the hell?  Is this turning kinky?  No, she decided that I needed to have my nipples shoved down into my rib cage as hard as she could for a couple of minutes.  She must have mistaken my wiggling as joy because she refused to stop.  Hearing my cries of pain must have been the signal she learned from her Taliban teachers to begin the sternal slaps.  Sternal Slaps are a new one for me.  It would not be the first new one.

With those complete.  She moved back to my head and securely place each of her rather meaty thumbs into my ear canals.  Could she push hard enough to make them touch?  Well, she was close.
Please keep in mind that I had this death mask of stink over my face.  The smell was secondary to the mind numbing pain of the ear gouge.   The ringing and headache were still there when she must have noticed a lump on my right thigh.  OK.  I used to be a professional athlete of sorts.  Years of chasing that little yellow ball around.  I developed some Quads over the years.  For some reason this lady decided that she didn't like that muscle and it was her job to try and dissolve my Quadracip muscle with her elbow.  Unbelievable.  NO IT BAND rub here.  It was full on destruction of tissue.   And again, she only felt the need on one side.  Small favors right.    OK.  I know I"m boring you but I would like to finish with another new technique at least for me.  This one I will call the J.J. WATT running rib spear.  She made two fists, knuckles out and took a little run at me with some good forward motion.  The "spear", hit me mid axillary line about 5 inches below my arm pit.  That would be the side of your rib cage if you haven't gotten that Grey's book out yet.    Keep in mind I am still in death mask.   Amazing.  I will leave out the "rumble", sand towel and ankle crusher to save time and get to the lessons learned.

Tips on Massage on La Ropa Beach, Zihuatanjo, Gurerro.

1. If they are wearing sandals......You may end up like me

2. If they are wearing jeans or demin......You may end up like me

3. If they do not run out after you to get you in.....You may end up like me

4. If they want to give you a "happy", they mean 500 pesos not 50

5. It's always better to have two different competitors side by side.  They work harder.

6. Always have the exact change.  They can't seem to find change when needed.

7. Don't wear anything you really like to a La Ropa Massage.  It will be oiled up enough to start a fire.

8. If you find yourself haggling over the difference between 200 and 250 pesos?  It's time to go to the bar.  $ 2.79 US is not worth the battle.

I'm pretty sure that my massage lady was just there delivering concrete to a work crew and saw the opporuntity for some quick cash and some vicious man hating.   I'm pretty sure because no one that worked there knew her name?  If you see this face or those feet....go to the bar instead.  Off to Taxco now.  Viva La Vida.

Hurricane Survival Skills

Extreme.  One word.  It says a lot.  It can mean a lot of things.  Behavior, food, sports, or that kinky stuff.  I'm not talking about that poo haa stuff here.  I'm talking about extreme weather.  The TV channel kind.  Surviving in the most extreme conditions.  Man type stuff.  Such was the case in Zihua last night.  Life or death....spill or be spilled.  Hurricane Eric unleaded it's fury on the Pacific coast of Mexico.  I was in it's path.   Without the survival skills learned from an old Bear Grylis rerun I would not have survived.  The last bit of Mt. Gay Rum had to be protected at all costs.  Red Solo cup....tiled pool....life in the balance.  Using the local flora and fauna I was able to fashion  a shelter for the mixture using leaves and sticks.  Torrential rain pelted me as I constructed the drink saving apparatus.   Life on the edge can often be challenging and rewarding.  Confronting nature's wrath is tough but worth it.  

Millions of Gatos

Back in Zihua means back on La Ropa Beach.  Which means cheap massage.  When school is out, which means millions of kids, which means crowds of every variety.  In August, which means "temp...feels like 106 today".   So deciding to follow the advice of a new friend, Francisco who is the manager of La Perla restaurant, Los Gatos Beach was today destination.

Arriving I found the entire state of Guerrero had decided to come to Los Gatos Beach today.  The beach is tiny with only a few yards of sand before it hits rock and corral.  I'm not sure how those folks even got there since I was told there were no roads to the beach.  Hum.....maybe a "gotcha gringo" on that one.  The recommended restaurant was found and Marco the waiter turned out to be Antonio not Marco.  Los Gatos was the most crowded beach I had ever seen.  We are talking density of humans per square foot.  Amazing.

 Full bands, guitar players, hoola hoopers, musicians singing BREAD classics and a one man band.  It was all there.   But a short time in that chaos was enough.  It was a hike out in my cheap Mexican water shoes in "feels like 106 Temperatures".   Back to the AC on La Ropa and all that goes with it.   If you get a chance to go to Los Gatos beach some time.  Don't.