I have big Dong

Well, maybe not but I am fairly confident that I have more dong that you....at least right now.  I will leave it to others to judge which is more important in the long run.   I know just about everyone who has ever been to a Vietnamese restaurant  anywhere has reached into their pockets and realized they were short on Dong.  Yes, it's happened to me too.  Dong gonnit! Not enough jack, coin, mulla, or  greenbacks.  Well, ladies...Just an FYI.  That will not happen if you are with me.  At least today.  I'm loaded to the count of  "13, 754,000 DONG".  you are reading it right.  I have millions.  So, just keep that in mind.   Please don't get too heavy in currency conversion or it could shackle my buzz.  Let's just say that a single Dong is pretty tiny.....super small.....how about doesn't exist.  So while there is absolutely no disputing the fact that I have big Dong.  It may not be completely up to international standards.  As with all travelers and their Dong, they are soon parted.  And so it goes....

Sapa in the Clouds

Some years ago I was sitting in a sushi restaurant in Denver Colorado with a Lonely Planet guidebook on Vietnam.  It turned out the sushi chef was Vietnamese and was very interested in my future plans to visit his country.  I asked him what  is the one place that I should not miss if I was to go to Vietnam.  Without hesitating or missing a beat he said “Sapa”.  “Luscious green mountains, cool mountain air, and indigenous hill tribes make the area paradise”, he said.  As it turns out he was from a Black Hmong village that was only a few kilometers outside of Sapa.   They along with several other local hill people can be seen heading into the market in Sapa to sell and heckle the tourists out of their dong.    

I have long since forgotten his name but the pieces of his story have stuck with me over the years.  He managed to learn some English on his trips into town and built on that knowledge.  Speaking English is a powerful tool in rural Vietnam.  He then got a hotel job and his English improved a little more.  The story goes on and on but through the help of family friends and others he managed to end up in Denver Colorado.  Not that different from his home I suppose at least on the landscape side.  It sounded so difficult just to come to the US I’m not sure we would have that much resolve.  Now he is living the dream as he said smiling.  He said he didn’t get home much these days.  I could see that look in his eyes that he really didn’t want to go.  It was more a look of fear.  You know, that feeling that if you do go back you will be trapped by life and perhaps not get out again?  

Well, It took a few years but here I am sitting on a small balcony sipping a drink and looking out over the beautiful green panorama of Sapa.  Just like he said.  It occurred to me that perhaps his mother or father was in the market this morning.  Carrying their wares into town and packing them up when the day was over and walking into the jungle.  I imagine they would talk about their son who was making it big in America to the other hawkers on the street.  Parents seem to do that sort of thing.  I wish I could have gone up to them and told them their son is the one that got me here.  I would also tell them he makes one hell of a dragon roll.

Traffic Dance

Sitting at one of my favorite tables at Duy Tu Hung restaurant at the intersection of Hang Chieu and Hang Lo ma in Hanoi is an education of sorts.  Actually, it’s an intersection of 3 streets that form a funnel into a small opening that was part of the walled city in Hanoi hundreds of years ago.  It took a couple of days to stop the groaning and gasping as the scooters, cars, people, and bikes all fired into the center of the intersection at break neck speed.  Let it be said that I have plenty of respect for those who conquer fear.  A soldier, bull rider, bull fighter, that first date meeting the dad, yep,  all those folks are truly brave.  Now, I have added the old lady carrying a couple of hundred pounds on a stick balanced on her shoulder and a delivery guy with 15 propane bottles balanced on a Vespa to that list.   There are rules....I suppose.  I just cannot seem to figure out what they are other than don’t slow down and don’t hesitate.  Somehow all the objects stay in motion and it’s rare that anyone misses their step in the dance.  The lesson taken for the table  may be never to take your eye off the target...and remember that fortune favors the brave...  

Hoan Kiem Lake Fan Dancers

Fan Dancers

Having a strong coffee at my favorite cafe in Hanoi on the shores of Hoan Kiem Lake early in the morning provides some great visual stimulation to start the day.  Zumba, Jazzercise, and aerobics are all fine ways to burn some fat and get the heart beating and blood flowing.  I must admit that my experience is limited with those art forms but I would have to say that the Hoan Kiem Lake fan dancers  would have to be right up there as a new addition to the exercise craze.  About 20 older Women moving in some short of rhythmic unison without any apparent leader makes you stand in amazement.  the bright yellow hand fans snap out at designated positions during the dance and causes everyone around to look up and take notice.  We are talking Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader type snapping here.

Not to be outdone in the quest for eternal health is an elderly gentleman that is performing some high impact rather violent calisthenics while seated on a stone bench.  The routine would sicken the most experienced fighter pilot and certainly generates something in the neighborhood of 4 to 5 G’s.  He throws himself backwards on the bench with both arms raised and then tries to tuck his head under the seat of the bench. He does this over and over as fast as he can.  25 to 30 times without a break or a slowing.  No pain on gain I guess.

There is a unique serenity to this place in the morning.  No one seems to worry about what they look like or what they have on.  Certainly no one is coming out here to “be seen”.  The silence in the middle of the chaos is wonderful.

How big are your stools?

Street bar stools

At just shy of 6 feet I can tell you that asian bar stools are a bit low.  Low in fact is somewhat of a misstatement.   They are midget low.  As you travel through the land you see all of these local folks sitting on their heels.  Well, I know where my heels are... I have seen them and occasionally when things have gone well... I have touched one.  Sitting on them has not been an option for many years.  I can now say that sitting on these “bar stools” is as close as I intend to get.  No amount of cold Tiger beer can numb the ass cramp and knee pain of trying to get up after sitting on one of these little jewels.  Keep in mind that Ming is about 5 feet tall in this photo for perspective.   Yep.  Nothing but big boy chairs from now on for this cowboy.  Can you even imagine they have plastic ones of these things...  Can anyone say...”load limit”.  

Yachting with the Vietcong

Sitting on this private Vietnamese houseboat solo would be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever done if it weren’t for the crew.  Those of you who know me will immediately realize the gravity of the “one of the most ridiculous things I have ever done” statement.  I have knocked down a few crazy things.  That said, the sailing of the HMS Bro Fest is right up there.  I’m alone on this luxury houseboat with Captain Knong, Pham Hoa,and Jerry?  Yep.  Jerry.  We have spent most of the day bonding and doing Vietnamese man things, like sleeping, drinking and pulling up our shirts to cool our bellies. .  All in all not a bad time but now we are past the formalities of crew and passenger and are now yachting around Ha Long Bay meeting up with their old friends and family.    Again not a bad thing at all.  This has to be one of the most beautiful places on earth.   Captain Khong has taken it upon himself to solve my perceived loneliness problem by stopping occasionally at the floating vendors and inquiring if anyone is free.  I have tried to explain to him that I am just fine and realize the whole scene seems a little bizarre but it’s all good.  Judging from the tats on  the Captains back, he may have a few VC in the family.  Best to hope he runs out of vendors I think.  

If you ever get a chance to come to Ha Long Bay I would recommend the friendlies at Eco Friendly Vietnam.  They have done what they said they would do and make a great lunch and dinner.  A safe harbor tonight and some man talk I’m sure.  I just won’t be able to understand a word of it.

Hanoi Happy

I’m still in love with Hanoi.  It was a crazy good day.  I did the “be nice to me day”.  Got a shave and a massage along with some great food.  No, the massage was not one of those.  It was amazing really but extremely comical too.  This young lady reminded me of the little Chinese guy in the movie, “Oceans Eleven”.  You know the guy that folds himself into a box.  She was one enormous 90 pound muscle packed into some pink silk pajamas.  I admit I had to “tap out” a couple of times in the process but what was funny was just the normal things you take for granted when you share a language.  Things like sit here?  Sit up?  roll over?  What the hell is in that little box?  These stones are cooking my back?  you know stuff like that.  It was an experience that I won’t forget.  The diving drop kick knee in the back pressure point back karate chop is forever etched in my mind.  I can say that I was a little nervous at first but it turned out to be very nice.  I’m not sure if you are supposed to be limping when you leave a massage in Vietnam but I am going to assume it was a good thing.  

The shave was a little harder to find.  Well, there are guys out on the street that cut hair and do shaves but I was a little concerned about the quality and sterility of their razors.  I found a little woman who performed my shave with a cell phone stuck into her ear the entire time.   There was a little hint of fear as she got the straight razor on my neck.  Considering what was done to these wonderful people by a misguided ideology....one couldn’t really blame her for settling an old score.  Luckily, she was much more forgiving that most people. 

Tomorrow it’s back on the street and a few sights.  Then it’s off to Ha Long Bay and my romantic private houseboat trip  Solo.  What was I thinking?