Assassinating Dave and Bears

Tonight I’m on bear watch.  That’s right smokey is in the woods just out of sight.  I found a wonderful place to camp in the tall pines above Lake Tahoe.  I have already had the long and deep conversation with myself about why the hell am I living in Texas.  Anyway, the camp guard lady said under no circumstances do I leave food in the Rat or my truck.   The bears are really bad and come just about every night.  She said put everything in the bear box.  Well, I’m not sure what kind of damage these bears would do but they would have to work at it to equal the damage my extra large Yeti cooler filled with ice and food did to my body getting it out of the truck.  I think I would give even odds on bear vs. yeti.  Any thoughts.

During my prep for “Night of the Grizzly”, I got a serious ass kicking by a pair of blue jays that were not happy at all with my choice of campsites.  First, they were as big as feral cats.  I say cats because in my world, cats are only one step up from spiders on the “could do without list”.   I was dive bombed and squawked  at for about an hour before they left to a rest or something.  Here is a picture of “Dave”.  I say Dave because I have a number of Dave’s in my past that were not my favorite folks.   This is not a Sara Beam bird photo.  I don’t have to patience or talent to take them and as you now know, I’m not fond of birds either.  Unless I see them in a Beam photo.   The reason I am posting this photo is I am soliciting advice on how to assassinate Dave.  That’s right I’m going to murder him tomorrow.  Realize I am without the normal Dave killing weapons.  NO, I don’t want to relocate Dave, I want him dead.  I am going to Burning Man to find peace and harmony....however....I am not there yet.   So, I could build a slingshot, I could bait and drop the Yeti cooler on him, I could just shoot him but the firearm I brought might get the neighbors a little nervous.  Besides I might need the ammo for the projected siege of the bears.  So, feel free to send in your advice and suggestions.  Consider this the start of the “DOWN WITH DAVE” Challenge similar to the ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE.